New Adventures

***So with the first week of school currently happening, I thought I would share this post that I have been mulling over all summer. I couldn't figure out exactly what I wanted to say or how I wanted to say it, so bare with me.***

The Hazzard family has an exciting announcement and change coming to our life.  This fall I will not be returning to Clear Falls, but instead will be at home with the girls!  There are so many emotions swarming around our house that it is hard to put into words:  Excitement, Sadness, Joy, Fear, Anxiety, Glee, Relief.

And I am certain that God, who began the good work within you, will continue his work until it is finally finished on the day when Christ Jesus returns.  Philippians 1:6.

Teaching over the last 7 years has been such a joy and honor.  I was truly blessed to work with the very best co-workers, administration and most of all students.  I learned so many life lessons along the way and had so many life changes. As a teacher, my students watched me get engaged, married, join a wonderful church, buy a house, adopt a puppy, and bring 2 babies into the world.  I was able to start and build something great in the ASL department.  I was able to share and spread my love and respect for the Deaf community.  I was able to see students in all aspects embrace something I loved dearly and celebrate little and big victories.  Teenagers are very powerful people!  They can do big and great things. My students, all of them, hold a very dear and special place in my heart.  You really fall in love (school appropriate love 😉)  with people when you spend an entire year together.  You laugh (alot) together, cry together, grow together.  There are so many things I love about my students and not enough time to write them all.

Before becoming a Mom, I think teaching was the hardest and most rewarding thing I had ever done.  Teaching helped to prepare me to be a mom.  I have already seen where the skill of stepping back, analyzing AND nurturing the situation all at once is so important in motherhood.  I am not sure I could do it the same without the last 7 years.

I am grateful to the other Mama's out there that shared their 9th-12th graders with me over the last 7 years.

Goodbye room 5429.  You were good to me.  I pray for the students walking through your door this week.  I pray for the sweet teacher (and friend) that is taking my beloved classroom and continuing to do great things inside it's walls EVERYDAY!

I think I have always wanted "to be a mom."  (Please hear my heart... any mom that works is still a KICK BUTT AWESOME MOM!!)  When Abigail joined us, I knew that God had called me to return to school and that He had Abigail exactly where He wanted.  But as she has grown and Annalee joined us, we felt God putting a different calling on our family.  Bryan and I felt that I could either be a little bit of Jesus to a whole bunch of teenagers or a whole lot of Jesus to our 2 people.  After much prayer and discussion, we decided to take the leap of faith and trust that God has our family in His hands.  I tell Abigail that He has the whole world in His hands after all!

I would appreciate your prayers for me and my family this fall.  Will you pray that we find our new normal in a way that is healthy, fun and meaningful?  Will you pray that Bryan and I make smart financial decisions that will empower our family to do the things God has called us to in the future?  Will you pray for the girls relationships as they grow?

"Redeeming Love"

At the beginning of June, I finished Francis Rivers' book "Redeeming Love" and it was fantastic... Until the end.  I have had this book on my shelf for several years because multiple people told me I had to read it.  I bought it several years ago and with everything that has been going on, (aka: graduating college, starting my career, getting married, buying a house, adopting a puppy....) I hadn't had the time to read it.  Well, with summer starting, I moved it to the top of the must read stack.

I knew going into the book that it was a story that followed a parallel from the book of Hosea.  God told Hosea to marry a prostitute as a symbol of His love toward Israel.  Hosea took someone who was considered "unworthy" and showed unconditional love.  Hosea loved her when she wasn't worthy, he loved her when she was wrong, he even loved her when she left him to go back to prostitution.  Hosea's love for his unworthy wife has metaphorical meaning showing God's love to us, His love to me.

Spoiler alert if you haven't ready the book....

When I started reading the prologue, I thought about quitting because it was very dark.  A little girl named Sarah was exposed to emotional abuse as her mother was a mistress of a wealthy man in town who "wished she had never been born!"  Her mother was so obsessed with wanting her father's love that she was unaware of the ideas concerning "love" she was teaching her daughter.  When the father was ready to visit, the mother sent Sarah away with the housemaid who took her to a shack hotel by the sea.  The housemaid was in a unhealthy relationship with the bartender at the hotel who took her upstairs and scared Sarah outside in the hall while he had his way with the maid.  When the bartender broke up with the maid, the maid started spouting hateful "truths" about men and life (which are not truths at all). When the father was tired of paying for Sarah and her mother to live in a small cottage, they were sent out on the streets to find refuge.   Sarah's mother went back to her parents house (who were outstanding people in society) to ask forgiveness but they tossed her and their illegitimate grandchild out without even listening.  Sarah's mother ended up being a prostitute before she died in their shack off the docks from an illness.  Sarah was then sold by her mother's "boyfriend" to a man named Duke.   Duke was a wealthy and powerful man who was also pure evil.  He was a sick pedophile who changed her name to Angel when he took her virtue. 

All of that was in the prologue.  I really wanted to put down the book and never look back.  It was so dark, so hurtful, so twisted to what I know is truth.  I felt for this little girl.  Because of God's goodness, I have never been in any situation anything close to that.  I can only imagine it because of the book, but I really wanted no part of this story.  But then I started to think about God's redeeming love and I knew the story had the possibility to teach me something and I didn't want to miss out.

The book started off with Angel in a brothel in California.  You feel her misery.  You feel others judgment on her.  You feel the sick desires of the men who come to visit.  Angel is trapped in nightmare but thinks it is the only option.

Michael Hosea is in town delivering his crops to the market when he sees her walking down the street.  The Lord speaks to him and tells him this is the woman he is to marry.  He does not know that she is the most sought after prostitute in the city nor that she resides under the watchful eye of two evil and controlling people.  He finds out from the store manager her details and then thinks about how he can even get close to her. 

Michael ends up paying the brothel to go to her room and expects to take her out of there that night.  It doesn't go like he plans, and he ends up going back 3 more times before he storms off mad.  Angel then ticks off the wrong person who beats her almost to the point of death.  Michael returns to find her black and blue.  He races to find a pastor, brings him back to Angel to preform a ceremony.  Angel is half conscious and when asked if she takes Michael to be her husband she says "why not."

Michael takes Angel back to his farm in the valley and shows her the most precious love.  He shows her unconditional love.  He nurses her back to health.  He begins to teach her life skills like building a fire and others things.  It isn't easy.  Angel is not trusting, or understanding.  She is constantly looking for the catch or what it would cost her.  Michael continues to show her love.  It isn't easy and takes almost 350 pages, but she falls in love with him too.

Angel runs away from Michael 3 times throughout the book.  The first time she runs away to escape a situation that she can't seem to understand -- a man taking her in and loving her for no reason she knows of-- and returns to prostitution.  Michael's brother-in-law is the first when he demands a payment for the 30 mile ride back into town.  Angel returns to see things in the town have changed and has to take up a new residence in a room above the saloon.  Michael comes to take Angel back and finds her in the middle of a "job."  He still took her back, he showed her love.  He forgave her.

When she realized that she was starting to begin feeling love also, she ran away again.  But this time she was determined to not turn back to prostitution and didn't.  She found work a merchant who was also a friend of Michaels.  The merchant sent word to Michael and he came and got her again.

The third time she runs away it is because she cannot have children because of something Duke had the doctors do to her when she was in prostitution.  This time she runs away because she truly does love Michael and knows that he wants children and she can't give them to him.  At this point in the story, Angel thinks that this God Michael talks about and loves is just some lie that Michael believes.  If there were a God, how could He have let the things that happened to her happen?  Where is God in that?

There were other characters that played an important role throughout the story in teaching Angel how to love, the Altmans.  When Angel left, she had planned for the oldest daughter of that family to marry Michael when he "got over her" so that she could give him children.  Because of dramatic irony, we know that the older daughter actually wants the brother-in-law.  Angel's plan doesn't work, however this time, Michael will not go after her, knowing that God needs to save her soul and Angel has to come back on her own.

Angel runs away and ends up in a large town.  A still small voice leads her to a café where she ends up getting hired as the cook.  She works hard for 6 months there before the place catches fire.  When the are out rummaging through the remains she goes for a drink of water only to hear the voice of the devil himself.  She stands up to see Duke. 

Duke forces her back to his establishment, a bar and casino type of a place that held a brothel upstairs.  He takes her upstairs and begins to mock her.  He doesn't lay a hand on her however, waiting to torment her more.  During this time she meets a girl called in to serve her named Cherry and can hear Dukes new little girl crying in the room next door.  Duke plans this big event to "display" Angel in front of the men in the saloon before putting her to work again.   Angel is terrified but keeps being comforted by this still small voice.  When she is shoved on stage, the men ask her to sing.  In a panic she starts to sing the only song that comes to her mind.  It was a song Michael had sung one time, she started singing "Rock of Ages."

That shut the men in the room up.  Angel panicked and quit singing.  One man sitting at the bar starts to sing the rest of the song.  When she goes off stage, Duke is furious.  As he raises his hand to hit her, the man that sang come up and threatens Duke with his life, promising to have him hung in the square if he touched her.  The man asks Angel if she would like to leave and she response with a yes and asks him to wait a minute.  Angel goes upstairs and gets the two little girls and takes them with her. 

At this point in the story, I have loved every minute of Gods redeeming love! The story is so fascinating and even with all of the dark and evil within the story, the overpowering theme of Gods ability to love us, to love me is uplifting and encouraging.  It is from here that I have a little judgment.  Now, who am I to judge a book?  No one!  I don't have any literary degrees and I have never written anything worth reading either.  But the ending of the book really frustrates me. 

This man takes Angel and the two little girls back to his home with his wife and daughter.  They provide refuge for these three.  The two little girls end up getting adopted by loving families.  Angel befriends this man's daughter and through her, that is how Angel comes to know the loving Savior of Christ.  Angel and the daughter start a ministry with funding from the father and others in town to serve as a refugee to prostitutes.  They take in prostitutes, give them a safe place to stay as well as teach them skills needed to find honest work.  The ministry has arrangements to help them find paying jobs around town once they have mastered the skills needed (cooking, sewing, reading, writing, etc.)

The idea of Angel starting this ministry is wonderful, and does show God's redeeming love.  However, the brother-in-law is the one that finds her and brings her back to Michael.  They immediately make up and then the story ends.  The Epilogue tells you that the ministry continues and does well, and then Angel and Michael have 4 children.  That's it.  There is no explanation as to how she has the children, when the information you know earlier is that it would be next to impossible fkr Angel to have children.

That is why I am displeased with the ending.... I never could have written story as well as this, however, I would have ended it differently.  I think that Angel should have been the one to adopt the two little girls and then when she returned to Michael, he could have adopted them as well.  Who would possibly know more about how to relate to these little ones than Angel and Michael?  Who could comfort and encourage more than them?  What is a better example and analogy to God's love for us than adoption? 

Ephesians 1:4-6 says "For he chose us in him before the creation of the world to be holy and blameless in his sight. In love he predestined us for adoption to sonship through Jesus Christ, in accordance with his pleasure and will— to the praise of his glorious grace, which he has freely given us in the One he loves."

I am not saying that I think Angel shouldn't have had a baby.  I just think that the large family they established should have been through adoption and bloodline.  I was adopted into Christ family.  What a precious and true picture of love when you can love something that society tells you not to. 

The ending bothered me so much... that it took me all summer to write this and post it.  I finished the book two weeks into the summer...

If you stuck with me through this long post, what do you think?  If you have read the book or not, thoughts?
 

#knowChrist Camp 2013

So this past week I had the opportunity to go to youth camp as a sponsor with my church.  I was blessed more than I blessed others.  It was such a neat opportunity.  God was there in a very real and loving way.  The theme was to "know Christ."  I really liked this theme because I think it did a good job challenging believers and putting non-believers in situations to really examine what they put their trust in.  There were many salvations at camp, PRAISE JESUS!

For our church time, I was partnered with an outstanding leader and had the most awesome group of upper classmen girls.  There were 6 of us total, and they were such an encouragement to me.  They all loved Jesus already, and challenged each other and myself to dig deeper into Christ.  We shared each others burdens and really analyzed what the preacher said. 

 

During the day, I had to the opportunity to do what was called the Mission Track.  For 3 days I got to learn with a group of students that had chosen to come to camp and study scripture with a missions emphasis.  We discussed what it looked like to know Jesus and how that should effect they way we know others.  The leader of this group pointed out that the disciples in the Bible were more than likely teenagers.  God used teenagers to change the world.  We discussed how living on mission would mean being a disciple.  What does that look like?  To be a disciple means living exclusively to become like Jesus.  In John 8:31-32 Jesus says "If you hold to my teaching, you are really my disciples.  Then you will know the truth, and the truth will set you free."  To know Jesus is to know the truth.  Mission is living in the reality of what God wanted you to be.  Mission should be sacrificial--like Jesus.  Mission is to be apart of a fight that has already been won.  We also discussed that we never know the context of our mission--just that we are called to faithfulness.

 

On the last full day of camp, the Mission Track team went on a Mission trip.  (Follow me for a minute...) The camp director's Sunday School class member had an elderly neighbor couple that do not know Christ.  That neighbor went into the hospital for surgery 8 weeks ago and has had complications that have kept him away from the house and unable to take care of his yard.  The Sunday School member went and mowed the yard and noticed that there was a lot of yard work that was needing to be done.  About 50 people (the Mission Track) took over and cleaned up about 2 acres of land.  We weed-eated, wracked, trimmed trees, cut back bushes and hedges, and moved all of the debris to a burn pile down the road in the neighborhood.  The wife was home for a short while and came out to talk to us for a few minutes.  The camp director and neighbor worked intentionally to build a relationship with her.  When the husband returns home, the neighbor is going to go over and share the Gospel with them.

It was very uplifting to see people give up their time to play (rec time at camp) to serve someone else.  Don't get me wrong--it wasn't easy work--however, the students did it with a Joy that was very noticeable.  We left the home praying for the neighbors recovery, the couples salvation and praising God for His Love and Faithfulness.

These are my notes from throughout the week.  Some of these ideas are paraphrased and some are direct quotes.  The notes below are a mixture of main ideas and side notes from camp.

* Pain has a purpose.
* Everyone is a creation of God, but only those who have a relationship with Jesus are Children
   of God.
      -On the first night, the speaker started with a powerful example.  He asked very vaguely who
        believed in Jesus and everyone in the place raised their hands.  Then he pointed out that
        even the demons believe in Jesus but that doesn't mean they know and follow Him.  Talk
        about powerful!
* The one thing that God will not put up with is not being God.
      -In Matt 16:24-25 Jesus says "Whoever wants to be my disciple must deny themselves and
       take up their cross and follow me.  For whoever wants to save their life will lose it, but
       whoever loses their life for me will find it."
* The dirtiest word in Christianity is pride because pride tricks you into thinking you can play God
   for yourself.  Thinking "I know God said (fill in the blank) but I think my way is better..."
      - He stands in opposition to the proud.
      - 1 Corinthians 8:2-3 says "Those who think they know something do not yet know as they
        ought to know.  But whoever loves God is known by God."
* Philippians 2 says that Christ made himself nothing--in human likeness.
   (Get it? Human = nothing)
* If God never does anything again, that would be more than enough.
* You cannot follow Jesus without Jesus.

 

We spent a lot of time in Philippians 2 and 3 this week.  I couldn't help notice something that I had underlined in my Bible before in Philippians 4:

 



 

When I found myself in situations where I didn't know what to say, I just kept meditating on this.  Let your gentleness be evident to all. THE LORD IS NEAR.  It was my prayer every time an invitation was given or a prayer was said.  It was my prayer for the students when they had their quiet time and when they broke into their family groups.  The Lord is near and is ready to take care of it, whatever "it" is.  He is near.  

It was a great week at camp, I am already looking forward to next year! :)  If you go to my church, I challenge you to starting thinking and planning to go next year.  I promise you that teenagers don't bite!

Teacher Appreciation

So we are rounding out teacher appreciation week, and it has made me stop and think.

When I look online, the only people posting things about the need to appreciate teachers are teachers themselves.  All of a sudden facebook blew up with status up dates and pictures and memes about how you need to appreciate your teachers.  I saw one of my former teachers post:

 "I am a teacher and this is MY WEEK!  Teacher Appreciation Week, May 6-10,  If you can read this, thank a teacher.  BTW, you're welcome :D"

But if only teachers are posting things about how you should appreciate us... how authentic is that really?   Don't get me wrong, that was my former teacher who posted it.  I am very grateful for her and what she did for me.  She opened doors for a passion of mine that flourished and helps to define who I am today.  (Christ actually defines that, but she opened the doors to allow Him to work in me)   I would still be the same person today, but I would have a much different skill set if it weren't for the teachers in my life.

My point is this... why must teachers demand to be appreciated?  Is it really "being appreciated"  if it is forced, scripted, or even done so that mothers of students can one up each other?  Is there real meaning in that?

This week I personally have not had one single student bring me a gift.  No cards.  No letters.  Nothing that has "teacher appreciation" written all over it.  I did however, get my first invitation to a senior graduation.  And while I realize that almost every student that is 18 is about to do this, it was a first for me.  The school I work at opened 2 years ago; my first year of teaching was it's first year too) with two grades, freshman and sophomores.  Those sophomores are now seniors and are about to graduate.

It was amazing how in a matter of about 3 seconds, it went from being an average day to being a really proud and special moment.  My class was watching a (very educational) video, and my senior came and knocked on my door, I stepped out into the hall and she handed me a crisp white envelope with my maiden name written on it.  (She had me my first year of teaching before I was married... so that name has stuck for that class.)  I was taken by surprise as I opened it to see the formal school crest on the invitation inside.  This student is a very special student.  She isn't at the top of her class or the best athlete, or in with the "right" crowed, but to me... she is something memorable.  In the invitation, she had two pictures-- a picture from prom and a picture in her cap and gown.  Instantly I was over taken with an emotion that I am not sure I can describe accurately.  Before my very eyes I had watched this young, timid girl grow into this mature, active adult.  She no longer is shy and under spoken-- she is confident and proud in a humble kind of way.  I am not sure who is more proud of her... me or her.  And of course, I started to cry.

That experience was enough thank you for me.  I felt more appreciated in that unscripted unplanned moment than in anything preplanned or scheduled.  It was exactly what I needed to get me through the rest of the day, week and even the rest of this year.   It made all of the time and work I have invested the last 3 years worth it.  And it wasn't put on the calendar by some politician somewhere either.  It wasn't mandated by others or required by me.

The invitation meant so much more than any store bought card could have.  What am I trying to say? That maybe actions speak louder than words.  That maybe the pride that I have not in myself, but in my students is really something special.  It isn't self-righteous or boastful. 



With all of that being said.... it got me thinking about my relationship with the Lord.  Maybe He doesn't just want my praise on Sundays.  Maybe everyday action, loving Jesus pleases Him more than time in a church pew.  Maybe me going out of my way to bless someone else makes Him feel the same pride that I felt in my student today.  Maybe He wants more for me than I want for myself.   Maybe He sees more potential in me than I do.  Maybe He doesn't want my attention on meaningless day to day rituals but more on the Glory of Him. 

And maybe He wants that for you too.  Not in a demanding or forceful way but in a kind, humble, selfless way.  

Just something to think about.  What do you think?


 

"That should be your next post"

Boy, oh boy.  The Hazzard's life is incredibly busy.

In the next month, we will:

• Buy a house
• Move my parents from their house
• Clean our house (there is a curry smell we have to get rid of)
• Prime and Paint our house
• Floor our house (Not sure on this one, it might get scratched)
• Pack our apt.  (We officially have 9 boxes packed so far... that isn't much, but it's a start)
• Move our stuff from the apt and from the in-laws house
• Teach a high school small group on Sunday Nights
• 2 Weddings
• A bridal shower
• A Fitting for a bridesmaid dress (did I mention Bryan and I are in one of those weddings?)  :)
• Bachelorette and Bachelor parties

Oh, and I still have to teach, and Bryan is working 7 days a week right now... Busy?  Yes. Stressed? Yes.  Worried?  eehh...

A couple of nights ago in my quit time, I came across this:

   Therefore, holy brothers and sisters, who share in the heavenly calling, fix your thoughts on Jesus, whom we acknowledge as our apostle and high priest.  He was faithful to the one who appointed him, just as Moses was faithful in all God’s house.  Jesus has been found worthy of greater honor than Moses, just as the builder of a house has greater honor than the house itself.  For every house is built by someone, but God is the builder of everything.  “Moses was faithful as a servant in all God’s house,” bearing witness to what would be spoken by God in the future. But Christ is faithful as the Son over God’s house. And we are his house, if indeed we hold firmly to our confidence and the hope in which we glory.


When I stopped and realized what I had just read, I almost started to cry.  This was the first thing that I had opened up to and truthfully, it is what the small group will look at on Sunday.  I thought I was just getting ready for that.  Nope, I was in desperate need of this.  Bryan and I talked about this passage and his response was, "That sounds like your next blog post."


It is Bryan and my prayer that our house is not just another house in Suburbia.  We don't want to be 'just like everyone else'.  We want to be active and loving towards the Lord.  We want Him to be our first guest in our home, an honored guest, really not a guest at all--a resident.  We want to be apart of creating an environment in our neighborhood that is different from the rest.  We want Christ to be proud of us.  

Our prayer in house hunting is that Christ would go before us.  I had been feeling a lot of anxiety about where we would go, and what house we would buy.  I put a verse in my phone so that I could access it whenever I needed a reminder and comfort:


 
"But you will not leave in haste or go in flight; for the Lord will go before you, and the God of Israel will be your rear guard."  -- Isaiah 52:12


 
I was so nervous about rushing into something or pursuing the wrong thing.  I would just meditate on this verse, and invite Sweet Jesus to go before us and behind us.  Knowing and trusting Him was the only thing that I could focus on. 
 
Even now, knowing and trusting Him is the only thing I can focus on.  When I start to think about all the stuff that I have to do, that we have to do, I start to get a little dizzy.  But maybe God wants us to take this experience one day at a time.  Maybe he doesn't want us to have everything mapped out because He already does.  Do we have a lot to do?  Yes.  Is it done now? No.  Do I have all the answers? Heck no, but I can be faithful to the Lord and intentional about my time. 

Even though we are really nervous, stressed, and probably will not get enough sleep, we are really excited.  Lord, we're with you... bring it on! 

His Grace is Sufficient

"My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness"  --Jesus (2 Cor 12:9)

About a week ago, I woke up in the middle of the night with this terrible, helpless feeling that something was wrong.  I didn't know what it was, or who it was affecting in my life but all I could do was pray.   I didn't know if it was someone in my family, or Bryan's or a dear friend, but I spent about 5 minutes in sheer panic before I realized that I needed instead to lift these feelings up to the Maker of the Universe. 

My prayer went something like this, "God, HELP!  I don't know what is going on, but you do.  I am trusting that you do.  Please be with all that I love, and even those that I don't, that last part was honestly hard to say, but you know my heart, oh God."  I just repeated that for about 30 minutes or so before I fell back asleep.  I was afraid to wake up in the morning, only to find out nothing (that I know of) went wrong.

I have found comfort recently in this passage from Matt 11:28-30,  "Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest.  Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls.  For my yoke is easy and my burden is light."

I cannot tell you how many times I have heard this passage in my life: in sermons at church and in Sunday School, at weddings and other Bible studies, on T-shirts and pictures and many other places.  But in my sudden anxiety, this brought me a peace that surpasses all understanding. Over-whelming anxiety is something that is new to me.  I sure hope it doesn't become a habit.  I found that the two verses mentioned about have brought me peace, even when my yoke wasn't easy, His was. 

What verses do you find comforting?

I want to leave you with this:

"To you, O Lord, I life up my soul;

in you I trust, O my God.

Do not let me be put to shame,

nor let my enemies triumph over me.

No one whose hope is in you

will ever be put to shame,

but they will be put to shame

who are treacherous without excuse.

Show me your ways, O Lord,

teach me your paths;

guide me in your truth and teach me,

for you are God my Savior,

and my hope is in you all day long.

Remember, O Lord, your great mercy and love,

for they are from of old.

Remember not the sins of my youth

and my rebellious ways;

according to your love remember me,

for you are good, O Lord.

Good and upright is the Lord;
therefore he instructs sinners in his ways.
He guides the humble in what is right
and teaches them his way.
 All the ways of the Lord are loving and faithful
toward those who keep the demands of his covenant. 
For the sake of your name, Lord,
forgive my iniquity, though it is great. 

 Who, then, are those who fear the Lord?
He will instruct them in the ways they should choose.

They will spend their days in prosperity,
and their descendants will inherit the land.  
The Lord confides in those who fear him;
he makes his covenant known to them.
My eyes are ever on the Lord,
for only he will release my feet from the snare.

Turn to me and be gracious to me,
for I am lonely and afflicted.
Relieve the troubles of my heart
and free me from my anguish. 
Look on my affliction and my distress
and take away all my sins. 
See how numerous are my enemies
and how fiercely they hate me!

Guard my life and rescue me;
do not let me be put to shame,
for I take refuge in you.
May integrity and uprightness protect me,
because my hope, Lord, is in you.

Deliver Israel, O God,
from all their troubles!

Psalm 25